then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Randomize
