Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
what day is it and did you see me today?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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