hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
