Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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