I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
