Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
