I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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