After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
