Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize