Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
True strength comes from lack of pants
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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