Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
