he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
