I'm drive I can fine osifer
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize