): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
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