First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
