Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
My balls are so social today.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
