he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
