yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
