We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
