Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
