She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize