Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
im holly from the hills drunk
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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