I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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