at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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