Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
