That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
