So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
There's always time for handjobs
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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