Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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