Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
