making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Randomize
