Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The adults are the big ones right?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
