haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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