Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
