I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
