I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
