I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
