I heard we made out
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
