He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
