one might say we're banned from that church
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
