I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
