I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
