So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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