Screwed.edu
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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