Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize