Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
