apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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