idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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