Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
