i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
