I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
