all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
