My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
