Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
