Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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