i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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