It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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