im six kinds of drunk right now
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
did i just pee glitter
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