I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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