I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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