VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
