I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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