Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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