he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
