how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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