We won't sleep together?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I skipped work to stalk him.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize