I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
it glows. i had to have it.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
