please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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