Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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