He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
