Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(740): View more from Ohio

He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.

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(443): View more from Maryland

i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list

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(334): View more from Alabama

The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.

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(404): View more from Georgia

Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.

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(916): View more from California

Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.

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(407): View more from Florida

I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear

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(812): View more from Indiana

Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.

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(510): View more from California

Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.

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