Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
