The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
