kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Randomize
