Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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