He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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